happy new year and all of that good stuff... check the info for this sn on AIM to link to MySpace, which I use more than this now... or not... w/e but that's whats going on. It will explain this:

3/6/05 7:20pm

Every time I think about it my stomach does flip-flops… I can feel his soft breath on my neck, his hands caressing me- holding me tightly. The memory of his lips brushing my skin still sends shivers through me. I’m still not sure though, what if I make a mistake? I can’t stand the thought of having to face him after a thing like that. I know if I want anything to happen I have to do something though… There it goes again, whenever something brushes my skin I’m reminded of last night. I’m getting chills, I’m restless, and I can’t eat or drink, or even think straight. I will see him in the morning and try to find out more. At least I know that Jeremy is listening, he will try and help me. Deep breaths, Rachel, close your eyes. I see his face in my mind. I don’t know what’s happening to me! One night with him and this? I felt so safe in his arms though. Why can’t I figure out what’s going on in my head? And then there was Genai… why did she suddenly get up to leave at 5:30 in the morning? I can’t for the life of me figure out what was wrong. Is it possible she has feelings for someone? I thought she had a boyfriend. I’m not sure of anything anymore. The tears are gathering in my eyes, but I’m saying, why would you cry? Nothing has happened to be a good reason for it! I had so much fun last night; I never wanted it to end. Sandwiched between Jake and Mentzel I felt so safe. I know Mentzel is taken by Hana, but he’s not what I’m looking for any way. The feeling I get when I think about him reminds me of one of the Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul short stories, where the younger sister crushes on her older brother’s best friend, and when he leaves for college, they keep in touch and grow closer and closer, so that eventually, the letters once addressed to her brother with a side note for her are now addressed to her, with a side note to her brother. Could feelings like this have been hiding the whole time? These thoughts crossed my mind before, but they never seemed like a possibility before. To be perfectly honest, I wasn’t sure he was straight, and I think that is what I’m most afraid of. Not that I won’t like him even if he’s not, but I will feel like I made a fool of myself. I’m afraid even to post this on Xanga. Jeremy thinks he wanted to for certain, saying, “Him: guys have penises

Me: hahahah

Him: and penises are attracted to females

Me: I know that!

Him: and their body parts”

He says that if I had kissed him, he would have kissed back, but I’m not sure I would have been ballsy enough to do that. I was nervous that he might kiss me, and I wasn’t sure how Craig would feel about that anyway, with them being best friends and all… Would I have kissed him back? Probably. Can I ever be sure of what might have happened? No. I’m content knowing that I didn’t feel pressured with him to do anything, and it was so nice just to sleep with him, lying in his arms as we fell asleep. Everyone who saw us sleeping said that it was cute, us lying there with out arms wrapped around each other. I’m just not sure…

p.s. my mom found us together and didn’t say anything or wake us up or anything… interesting- eh?

so im doing this paper for school and i see Abby's sister mentioned in the article... just thought id put it up. Congrats Sammy!!!

Equestrian Finishes Second At Home Show

Big Red earns 37 points among the 11-team field

Lets start with Turkey Day... we had 15 people over and my good friends Jackie and Sara from camp two years ago. Tons of good freinds and great family, and awesome food!!!!! ANYWAYS...blah blah blah... food food food... then the fun started... Sara and I went to watch Cold Mountain because we both LOVE Jude Law  and of course I tell Sara about the sex scene... so she's like "of course no noe will bother us UNTIL that part" and I'm like "yeah" so we go downstairs to watch the movei in the workout room which is now fully equipped with cable, and a dvd/ vhs player. My college age (idk exactly) cousin Alex and everyone else, including Sam and Jen are downstairs, but Sama and Jen are at their computers, Alex is looking around, and Craig and Jackie are in bed (yeah i know) in the guest room talking... Sara and i go into the guest room and sit and talk for a while and my dad comes down to check on us and tells us we look lioke hamsters all curled up together LOL. We ask (Sara and I) Jackie and Craig if they mind us watching Cold Mountain in there and Craig's like... sure, but theres no DVD player in here! uh oh. so we go check in the workout room and sure enough, we turn on the tv and Aelx comes in! upstairs we go, and we get to the scene with minimal fast forwarding (we still saw almost all of the movie ) and sure enough, my Uncle Al, Aunt Hannah, and Alex decide it's time to go! so they're all walking to the door, and the scene just started, so Sara's like "pause it pause it pause it!!!!!!!!" so im freaking out trying to find the remote and the pause button, i stop watching and just try and hit it as fast as i can... well... the scene freezes as Jude Law is reaching in between Nicole Kidmans spread legs!  so then Craig walks in. Needless to say we got to the main menu preeetty fast. but then everyone was wondering why the movie was at teh main menu and not playing.... okaaayyyyyy..... Andrew calls me to tell me he wants to come over, so I'm like... call Craig, we have people over though. Sara and Craig and Jackie and I go upstairs to finish the movie, and Craig calls to invite his friends Andrew and Sam over, and Craig sets up his computer for us. stuff happened Craig dissappeared, Sara and I went into my room to look at the car my uncle is getting me next year, a Ford Sport Trac!!! and then we got tired of waiting and watched the end of the movie. It's much better on a bigger screen. Sara decided to stay the night and Jackie too, but at teh last minute, she decides she wants to sleep in her own bed and goes home. They had brought this game over called Apples to Apples with them and we played a few round before with everyone, but ti sucked because the answers were very juvenile because of Sam and Jen. okay... Andrew and Sam (who are both in college) came and at about midnight we started playing Apples to Apples, which can be played as a drinking game... and it was FREAKING HILARIOUS!!!  We played for FOUR AND A HALF HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and Sara went to the bathroom 3 times becuase we were laughing so hard! Sam is very russian, not meant offensively, and we kept playing off of that with things like Pathetic, Berlin, 1946, or Funny, Anne Frank... terrible shit like that. I won my fair share of rounds... so did Sarah, and so did Sam, simply becuase his were often completely unrelated and just, crap-your-pants-hilarious... (english is his second language after all...)

Type Your name with your...
NOSE: racy3l
CHIN: ff cbnhdl.
ELBOW: rachel
TONGUE: ewww.... rachel
HEEL: ummm... r54aqchyuelo
TOE(S): rachel
KNEE: gonna be difficult... trgxcv bjmhrtl/.;o(told ya lol)
EAR:  HAHA... 654efy6hut9ocuy60l;p
FOREHEAD: 4512467yt43
EYES SHUT: rachel (yayyyy)

so fro yesterday... Sara and I went to the mall and i got awesome apres ski boots... white instead of brown since the little monster (Jen) got them in brown even though she knew I wanted them in brown. No way was I going to get teh same ones as her... so alas, I got the extremely-hard-to-keep-clean white ones. which definitely grab your attention if nothing else. i got a pair of jeans at gap which i still have to try on, and a scarf which was so expensive!!! $24.50 for a long piece of yarn?!?!?!?! WTF??? i was just trying to use up my gift certificate there and I though i had, but i got the jeans for cheaper than i thought. I got my eyebrows waxed, which i thought you all should know. I also got shox!!!! WHICH NO ONE AT SCHOOL HAS!!!! omfg im so glad.watch someone come in with them the same day as me  They look like normal leather sneakers in the front (black leather) and pink shox with a pink and white swoosh on the side... i wanted to ride today, but right now... it doesnt look to be happening. Jen got a fuckin camera phone for a good report card. ooh. all As in sixth fuckin grade. I also got a sweater from H&M which is awesomeness objectified. Sara got picked up, along with her game... and on the way home, I set up plans to meet a group of people at the mall... so Terri dropped me off there. We saw the Incredibles, which was cute, but we had to sit in the front row and Maria and I were like... having seizures. the ending was cute though, I was laughing at least.....  I got in at like... 11:30 and checked my email, knitted a bit, and went to sleep. So now its today, and nothing's happened yet!!! I'm going to call my trainers later and see whats up with them... wish them a happy belated thanksgiving and such... alright... oh yea!!! Winter Formal's coming up and im so effing excited... I dont have a date though, but i kind of want to go with a certain senior....idk if i should or could though.... ill keep yall updated for a change.

sitting in math again... we got report cards today! im all As and Bs. I got two A+ in Health and Ceramics lol... i got an A-  in Honors Geometry... B+ in Honors Spanish... B in Honors Chemistry... B- in Honors World Studies, which is English and Social Studies combined. we have two teachers and two periods for that class. (its a requirement to graduate). And lastly, I got an I for incomplete in gym because I didn't run my mile (i have bad knees) so the gym teacher, Mrs. MacKay is like "you have two weeks to run your mile or you fail gym", and you have to pass gym every year in order to graduate. it gets better though... i broke my toe in swimming on monday, so ive been dealing with that all week. this weekend should be awesome... i have my lesson with MR. KEVIN BABINGTON OF THE IRISH OLYMPIC TEAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyways... Jim's birthday party is Saturday night at the Palace, Ultimate Challenge is tonight, lesson is sunday. write more later... gtg

wow... last night we had some fun and excitement.... alas, no hotties, but we have gazillion new inside jokes... we ended up skipping the movie and just walking around. we saw so many people we go to school with it was unbelievable. then we saw ben. then we made a mad dash across the parking lot for ruby tuesday's where we had chicken quesadillas and shared a tallcake... which REALLY was tall!! we didn't even finish it. When we got home, ben called ilana a slut and this whole big thing happened... very amusing. He thought we were drunk and asked to come over, but my dad and i would never have let him in anyways... it ended badly. he told ilana to go fuck herself and told me never to talk to him again. I wanna knock his fckin teeth out- this kid deserves to be mugged. He is a poor excuse for a human being. unfortunately- he's still hot. fucker...

So today was the craft fair... very uneventful. the second i walked in i got bombarded by hot senior justin herman (i wonder if he's still going out with rachel z?) to buy a krispy creme doughnut. Remebering the spanish dinner on wednesday made me return later and buy one. p.s. im morally against eating those things lol... they're so bad for you!!!!!!!! anyways... on wed. he saw me at the dinner after a long day of school and before work. i finally got there in all the traffic halfway throught the whole thing btw... i was kind of quiet and tired and cranky all at the same time. and in addition to that when i finally did get there, there was no where for me to sit. so i ended up in a back corner booth all by my lonesome. friendly jesse brecher invited me to sit with her and jordan, her brother ian, and hot senior justin, to which i gratefully accepted. well anyway, the boys walked away and when they came back, justin sat RIGHT next to me... very uncomfortable. we're not exactly buddy buddy. yet. lol so i was just kinda concentrating on my food silently, wishing i were invisible, and they finally got up to leave. he IMed me later asking what was up w/ me and why was i so cranky? he called me a crankasaurus LOL! so thats what made me go back for the doughnut. it made him happy. i worked at henna and got a really awesome one on my back done by an ex- gf of my brother's Genai. she's just amazing at these things. I found out that one can get these premixed tubes of henna at hot topic for about 6 bucks a pop. not bad... not bad at all... maybe ill post pictures later, but im feeling kinda lazy right now... okay- im out